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When my daughter was born, I was in the middle of dealing with a marathon bout of dizziness that lasted about 3 years all in all. During that time, I remember having a specific appointment with an ENT who informed me that I had “failed” the latest batch of tests I had just been though. I am sure it was not his intention to upset me, but the word “failed” really stuck in my brain. On the surface I understood what he meant but that deeper part of my brain also interpreted this as “you messed up”, “you weren’t good enough” and worst of all “your lack of trying is the causing this problem”.

Language matters, especially in healthcare. The words you use don’t just transfer information, they can shape the whole experience. Specific word choices and phrases can change how the people under our care can view their health as well as their current obstacles.

Here's an example of mother who posted on an internet group about her experience in 2002…

“My 8 ½ -month old had her 8-month developmental check last week and was told she “failed”. She is my third baby, my other two never “failed”. She failed her hearing test on the right side and is being referred, she doesn’t sit unaided, her head is slightly crooked. The health visitor mentioned last week that she feels her whole body is “on the wonk” (her words, not mine). She is happy and content and sleeps 19 out of 24 hours…it’s like she’s a newborn and has not adjusted to being born yet if you know what I mean…Has anyone else’s child here “failed” a development check, and if so, what was the outcome? Thanks for listening.”

A few responses later she replies to the supportive commentors saying that she is spending all her time coaching her baby to sit up so she can “pass” next time.

Now you and I can both clearly see that there are issues here. From the excessive amounts of sleep to the motor component, to the sensory issues. However, what Mum had left the consult with is that her baby “failed”, and she needed her to “pass”. This fundamentally misses the point of the testing.

Babies don’t “fail” milestone assessments. They “show signs of delay”, “their development is progressing slowly” or they “could benefit from support”. No one had seemingly explained the next steps to this mum, she was under the impression that if her baby worked harder at sitting, she would pass…and all would be well.

We have the ability to shape the conversation. We can stigmatize or support depending on how we phrase things. We need to say things on purpose, and that comes from analysing our communication. Parents need support, reassurance and knowledge of what to do next.

I don’t even feel like commenting on the “on the wonk” comment…I will leave that where I found it and move on.

Your words matter.

It just hit me that that little 8 ½-month old is now 25 years old. I wonder how she is.

Chat soon

Mike

Upcoming Paediatric Seminars:

• 4 - 6 July 2025 - PCA Symposium, Johannesburg, South Africa​
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Connected Paediatrics – Dr Mike Marinus is a registered paediatric chiropractor treating babies and children and helping chiropractors learn effective paediatric techniques that they can use in their practice

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