Hi Reader
Dad Joke: What do you call a fish wearing a bow-tie? Sofishticated.
I had an upset dad in the office last week who sat down, folded his arms and simply said “Your exercises don’t work, she hates them”
Fair enough, I thought. We were working with rolling and that’s always a bit tricky. So, I asked him to show me what was happening at home. He picked baby up, plopped her down into the position, moved her quickly into the exercise, and within seconds she was crying, stiffening, back arching, and trying to get out of it.
He looked at me; I looked at him…and we both came to wildly different conclusions.
Let me explain…
From his perspective, he had proved to me that the exercise didn’t work, and from mine I had seen that it probably had nothing to do with what the exercise was and everything to do with the timing and the execution.
It was too much, too soon. I had just watched a nervous system go from “I’m available to learn” to “absolutely not, thank you very much” in about three seconds flat.
And once she hit that change in state, she wasn’t training skill. She was training protection.
State matters because movement isn’t just a mechanical task, and babies definitely don’t learn to roll, sit, crawl, reach, or balance by being forced through a position. They learn when their nervous system has enough safety to explore, make small mistakes, recover, and try again.
In my office we talk about “having or building runway”
When a child is calm and engaged their breathing is steadier, their face is softer and movement is more curious and more variable. This is where we want to be, this is the green zone, where learning happens.
The green zone doesn’t mean they are blissfully happy for every second. Learning can still be tough and challenging. But they “have runway” and can stay organised enough to keep going.
The red zone is different. And it arrives quicker than you think. In the red zone, the nervous system stops exploring and starts protecting and that can go one of two ways.
Either, it looks like bracing, arching, breath-holding, stiffening. They may look strong, but the movement is costly and defensive.
Or it can look like collapse and withdrawing. This is often seen as weakness, laziness, or lack of effort, when really they have simply dropped out of the learning window.
In both cases, she is saying the same thing: “I don’t feel safe enough to learn this right now.”
So, more isn’t always better. In a calm and organised baby, a few reps can build confidence and capacity. But if you’re overwhelmed, pushing for more just teaches the system to protect harder next time. (and there goes your runway)
So, I taught this dad to look out for the state cues
Before we start rolling her around…Is she breathing steady? Is her face still engaged? Can she wobble a bit without falling apart? If yes, we are in the learning zone.
But if she’s breath-holding, stiffening, arching, avoiding, collapsing, or suddenly going blank, that’s probably not the moment to go for gold. That is the moment to change the input. Don’t have to abandon the goal, just change the approach (build some runway)
We slowed it all down…made the position easier; reduced the noise, the lights, the speed and the handling. Dad used a warm voice, offered more support and held her for a moment, added gentle rocking and a quick stop before trying again.
And she made it through, the limiting factor here wasn’t her strength, motivation, or the wrong exercise. Her nervous system simply needed a better starting point.
This matters in treatment too. Adjustments land inside a nervous system. If that system is calm enough to receive the information, that’s useful. If the system is already overwhelmed, the same input sets off the alarm bells.
Take this week to run your new parents through what the green zone and the red zone markers look like. Give them options with homework and get them building runway.
There is nothing better than a new dad who finally feels like he has it nailed down. He was so happy, I overheard him telling the receptionist that he had got his daughter to roll on his own!
…I did help a bit…but I thought I would keep that to myself this time.
Chat soon,
Mike
